He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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