it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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