My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
