I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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