We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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