Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
