my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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