i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he was CRYING into my vagina
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
