The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
