you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
