so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Randomize
