Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
