alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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