Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
