In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So much rum. So many feels.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize