I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
