I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
