ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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