she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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