why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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