i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
