I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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