when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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