my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
