Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
