new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
