Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
