we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
