I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
