everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
