Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
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