My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
