Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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