great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
