did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
