hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
