I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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