also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
