mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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