I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
