His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
