If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
