I molested 6 butterflies tonight
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
