Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
