I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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