If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
