i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize