Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
only you would photoshop your dick
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
