had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
