SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
