so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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