So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
