If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
