The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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