She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
