The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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