I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
