OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
