Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
