we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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