I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
