I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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