No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize