I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I FOUND THE LEGS
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
