I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
