you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
