So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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