I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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