How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
