There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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