I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Every concussion has its silver lining
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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