she woke up with a sticky ear
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
They have beer where we have blood.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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