I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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