why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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