I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So many bounce houses so little time
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
