So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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