Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize