There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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