Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
