right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
