Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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