Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
