I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
